FIND YOUR FOCUS

 

When I was younger, I didn’t want to be an actor, doctor, lawyer, engineer, or investment manager even there were things about each of those roles that were attractive to me. I wanted to be playful, express myself, be useful and help others in a hands-on way. I wanted to have, and express meaning and depth in my work. I wanted to be inspired and to inspire others while making good money 😊

I liked interacting with people, client partnerships, and relationships I developed. I thoroughly enjoyed and was good at looking at problems and designing creative solutions to address them. I had a passion for ideas of all sorts, and it made me happy to use them to help people make changes in their companies and their lives. I loved thinking and writing and speaking in ways that inspired others. What I didn’t like was creating standardized methods for particular solutions and replicating them continuously instead of inventing innovative customized solutions to a particular problem.

As I get older what I realized was that I could have it all. I could combine what attracted me about being an actor, doctor, lawyer, engineer, and investment manager into one. I could be a playful, expressive, experimental, useful, hands-on, meaningful, deep, inspiring, sales executive. And it would be the perfect job for me since I would be leveraging my strengths, embracing my weaknesses, asserting my differences, and pursuing my passions.

Then what I discovered was my way back down to earth. Not just to financial or career success, but happiness fulfillment, because it would allow me and force me actually to bring my whole self into my work and my life. To spend my time on the things that are important to me. The things that make me different, that make me matter.

Still, as I began to practice consulting in my own, new way, it wasn’t always easy. I made mistakes. I failed. Sometimes, when one part of my plan wasn’t working, I questioned the whole plan. Other times, I became so focused on doing things a certain way that I missed great opportunities around me. And periodically, when I didn’t know what to do, I froze and couldn’t do anything.

Those are pitfalls that you may or may not avoid, but knowing about them ahead of time will help you move through them as you find your focus. So often we scramble to get a lot accomplished in a day and succeed only to realize, in retrospect, that those things we accomplished won’t get us where we want to go. It’s not a lack of effort. It’s a lack of direction and focus.

To reclaim your life, first, you need to focus on what your life is all about. Otherwise, no matter how hard you work, you’ll just be frittering your time away. As you design a plan for where you want to spend your time over the next year, finding your focus will help. It will take you a broader, more open, thoughtful perspective in your work and your life. It will help you create a plan that reflects your full potential.

Slow down your momentum. Pause at the moment. Stop to reset. Look around beyond what you expect things to be, to see things as they are. Expand your view of yourself. Be open to your extraordinary potential. Find your focus.

 

 

 

 

 

THE VALUE OF GETTING THINGS HALF RIGHT

There’s very little these days that we accomplish by ourselves. Most of the time, we have colleagues, employees, clients, friends and the list goes on with whom we work. And sometimes, our ability to get things done, dependent on their willingness and drive to get things done.

There are times in life when I expect something to be just right. Like when I open the box of my new apple watch, for example. Or when I take money out of the ATM. But in some cases though, I expect imperfect. And when working with others, I think that’s a good thing but not in a dissapointed sense. I’m not suggesting settle for imperfect. I’m advising to shoot for it.

Once we asked to a company to help us roll out a new performance management process. We followed all the rules of traditional change management. We had time lines, communication plans, and training programs. One by one, we dealt with several issues people saw as obstacles. They made their own comments. We responded every comment with the same response; “that’s a good point, so how can you change it to make it work?” By doing so we improved the process and as a result they took the ownership and became accountable for using it. It’s useful whenever you need someone else to take ownership of the process for something. Just get it half right.

Here’s the hard part: when someone changes your plan, you might think the new approach will be less effective. Resist the temptation to explain why your way is better. Just understand and say Great. The drive, motivation, and accountability that person will gain from running with own idea will be well worth it.

This doesn’t just work internally. I may say that it’s also a great way to make a sale. Get the pitch half right and then say... you guessed it.... Why won’t this work for you? Then go ahead and redesign the offer in collaboration with your potential client. You’ll turn potential client into a collaborative partner who ends up buying his own idea and then working with you to make it successful.

Forget about lenghty presentations and long meetings. During economic downturns, when it is critical to get more done with fewer resources, getting things half right will take you half as long and give you better results.

Don’t settle for imperfect. Shoot for it.

WE ARE NOT LATE YET

I don't like being late. Most people who are late don't like being late. And I never plan to be late or intend to be late. I understand that it's disrespectful and unprofessional. Not to mention uncomfortable.

Here's my problem: I have a very high need to be efficient and productive. Transition time is neither of those things; it's annoying. I'd rather just be somewhere. I don't want to waste time getting there. So even though I should leave more time, I push it, strait to the illusion that I can get places faster than is humanly possible. 

I'm not the only one. Anyone who has ever scheduled back-to-back meetings lives under the same illusion. How can we end a meeting at 2:00 pm and start the next one at 2:00 pm? Even they're just phone meetings, we can't dial that fast. Or switch our mind set from one task to another in so little time. I call it predesigned lateness. One of my friends has a policy not to start a training program until 15 minutes after it is scheduled to start.  It is institutionalized lateness.

But the joke is on late people. Because being late causes the exact things we're trying to avoid: inefficiency and productivity. Not just for thhe people who are waiting, but for the people who are late. Because nothing is more productive and efficient than transition time. It's not just our time to travel. It's our time to think and to plan. 

When I took few minutes before the meeting to really think about it, I could shorten it. Even 10 minutes of that kind of planning can save 30 minutes off a task. I try to spend my transition time plotting how to maximize the outcome. For example; I may need people's ownership. I think about how I can involve others more openly, get their perspectives and engage them. 

I believe there is no better planning time than the 15 minutes before you walk into the room or get on the phone. I have been running marathons since 2013. I have never seen any athlete who would rush off a mobile phone and jump into the starting gate of a race. Because athletes know that transition time is productive time. 

To make this work, I have been scheduling it by putting the transition time on my calendars; end meetings at least 10-15 minutes before the hour and schedule that time to prepare for the next one. Sometimes I can keep that meeting 30 minutes and have an extra 15 minutes to go to bathroom, answer e-mails or surf daily news. It is not easy but would be more efficient than doing these things during the meeting. 

I have more to say about this. But It's only 15 minutes until my next meeting so I've to go.

SLOWING THE SPIN

I was moving as fast as I could and not getting anywhere, a feeling might be familiar with. This time, it was deliberate; I was on a stationary bike at gym. When my towel over my handlebars fell to the ground, I tried to stop pedaling and got off. But it could not stopped. There was too much forward momentum. The pedals seemed to be moving by a force of their own. It took me several moments of slowly backing of my speed. 

Momentum is hard to resist!

Once I was into a business argument with a friend, I realized I wasn't sure I agreed with my own position. But he was arguing so harshly that I found myself taking the opposite side, intensely supporting ideas I didn't know enough about. And I admit it was hard to stop. 

It is especially hard to stop when you're invested in being right, when you've spent time, energy, emotion and sometimes money on your point of view. Sometimes it might be an argument about which actions to take at which project. Or a decission about whether ot not to continue to pursee a particular opportunity. When you have the sense you have made a mistake but you have already pushed so hard it would be embrassing to back out so how do you backpedal?

I have two strategies that help me pull back my own momentum both in business and sports life: Slow Down and Start Over.

1- Slow Down: As I found on my stationary bike, it is almost impossible to backpedal hard enough to reverse direction on the spot. It helps to see it as a process. First, just stop pedaling so hard. Then, as the momentum starts to lose its force, gently begin to change direction. In a discussion in which you have been pushing hard and suspect you might be wrong, begin to argue your points less and listen to the other side more. I experienced that reducing your forward momentum is the first step to freeing yourself from the beliefs, habits, feelings and business that may be limiting you.

2- Start Over: Start over is a mental game. It is obvious that our history and experiences impact our current decissions. If I hired someone and invested energy, time and money supporting his success, it would be hard for me to admit he was not working out. But knowing what I know now, would I hire him? If not, I should let him go. And start over. Same thing with a sales project I have supported or a decission I have promoted.

There are numerous ways that may help. I hope my experiences would be a bonus to learn about.

REINVENT THE GAME

 

How can a few pirates in small boats capture and hold huge tanker ships hostage? How can a few scattered people in caves halfway across the world instill fear in the hearts of millions of citizens in the largest, most powerful countries in the world?

In "A Seperate Peace" John Knowles's novel, Phineas invents the game Blitzball in which everyone chases a single ball carrier, who must outrun every other competitor. Phineas always wins because the rules of the game (a game he invented) favor his particular skills.

I believe that is the secret of success. Play the game you know you can win, even it means inventing it yourself.

Enterpreneurs understand this; some start their own companies for exactly this reason. I know many number of successful people who could never get a job in a corporation because they never went to either College nor University. So they started their own companies; companies they designed to play to their unique strengths. They invented a game they could win, and then they played it.

Large firms spend tens of thousands of dollars to experienced sales account managers and on proposals to clients as well. But is that wins the game? I believe what really wins is client ownership over the project. If you sit with the client and design the project with him/her, your one page proposal (that him/her in effect, co-wrote with you) will beat their hundred pages every time at a fraction of the cost. That is a game an independent contractor can win.

At one of my favourite novels "How David Beats Goliath," Malcolm Gladwell well summarized about the moment that David shed his armor. He knew he could not win a game of strength against strength. But he also knew he was faster, more agile and had better aim. So he picked up five stones, dashed out of the pack and won the battle. He broke the rules and reinvented the game.

Malcolm Gladwell refers to  a research done by a scientist Ivan Toft, who looked at every war fought in the past two hundred years in which one side was at least ten times stronger than the other. He found that the weaker side won almost 30 percent of the time, a remarkable feat. The reason? They fought a different war than their opponents.

The 70 percent that lost? They fought the conventional way; they engaged in battle using the same rules as their strong opponents.

What game are you playing? Is this the right game for your particular skills and talents? Is it a perfect setup for you or your company to win? If not, then perhaps it is time to play a different game or invent one of your own: one you can win.

KIRGINLIK VE OFKE

Is dunyasinda yasanan tum tecrubelere yeni ve derin bir anlayis katma gucune sahibiz. Bunu yapabilmek icin kirginlik ve ofke formunda asagi ceken seyin ne oldugunu bulabilmemiz onemlidir. Bunun icin de gercek bir farkindalik ve kabullenme sart.

Zaman zaman arkadaslarimiza karsi kirginliklar tasidigimizin farkina varsak da, bu duyguyu bir savunma mekanizmasi olarak kullananlarin sayisi her gecen gun biraz daha artiyor. Bu durum, sahte bir ozguven hissi saglamak ve daha iyi hisssetmek icin kullanilan bir zirha donusuveriyor. Maalesef cogu zaman bu kirginliklari tasimanin gercek bedelinden habersiz bir sekilde hayat devam ediyor.

Gecmisin yuklerini tasirken iletisimde acik ve samimi olmak bence mumkun degil. Kararlari ozgurce almak zorlasir. Ofkelere tutunup karsi tarafa bizi incitmenin bedelini odetme istegi doğurabilir. Bir buyugumun bir sozu durumu guzel ozetliyor;  "Kirginlik dedigin, zehir icip karsi tarafin olmesini beklemek gibi..." Ama olen yalnizca bizleriz.

Bu deneyimlerin yipratici, guven kirici, kimi zaman korkunc ve karanlik tecrubeler olduklarini dusunulebilir. Oysa tumu aydinlanmis tecrubelerdir, cunku gercekte oldugumuz ve ileride olmak istedigimiz insanlara donusmemize yardimci olurlar. Ancak bu farkindaliga sahip oldugumuzda arzu ettigimiz mucadeleyi ve gelecegi ustlenebilecegimize inaniyorum.

Kirginliklarimizin bizi nelerden mahrum ettigini, bizi nasil gucsuz ve karanlikta biraktigini gorebilmek bazen cok da kolay olmayabiliyor. Gerginlik ve ofkelere tutunmanin yol actigi sikintilar nelerdir hic dusundunuz mu?

 

Deneyimledigim ve gözlemledigim sikintilardan sadece bir kaci; 
- Bizi kendimiz olmaktan uzaklastirir,
- Gecmiste yasamaya mahkum eder ve gucsuz birakir,
- Gizli yaralarimizi fark etmemizi ve iyilestirmemizi onler,
- Bazen bir kurban gibi hissettirir,
- Guvenimizi kaybettirir,
- Acik olmak yerine kendimizi savunmak zorunda hissettirir,
- Enerjimizi ve zamanimizi tüketir,
- Insani katilastirir, ofkelendirir, yipratir ve yorar,
- Strese neden olur,
- Cesaretimizi yok eder,
- Tatmin edici iliskiler yasamamizi engeller,
- Yeni firsatlari gormemize engel olur,
- Sagligimizi tehlikeye atar,
- Ozsaygimizi azaltir,

Ve liste bu sekilde devam eder...

Ozetle, ofke ve kirginliklarimiz bizi en buyuk arzularimizdan mahrum birakir. Bagislayici olmak ve bu yukten kurtulmak kalbimizin iyilesmesi, yolumuzun aydinlanmasi icin önemli bir yetkinlik ve ihtiyactir. Ancak bunu basardigimizda algilarimiz yenilenir ve insanlari, olaylari farkli bir acidan gorme becerisine erisebiliriz. Aksi halde egonun degismez hikayesinden siyrilamaz ve  yeni olasiliklari goremeyebiliriz.

 

Tercih bizimdir!

MADALYONUN 2 YÜZÜ

Hedefe ulaştığımda müthiş bir coşku duyarım. Her defasında tam anlamıyla saf bir farkındalık ve mutluluk yaşadım. Hedefi gerçekleştirmek, bana o anda var olduğum haliyle bir olma duygusunu da yaşattı. Ve bu deneyimlerin her biri bana yeni bir vizyon kazandırdı. Her başarı anında, perdelerin açılıp hayallerimin gözlerimin önüne serildiğini ve olasılık çıtalarının tek tek aşılabildiğini gördüm.

Wikipedia tanımına göre vizyon, bir takım olayları gözlerimizin yardımı olmadan (zihinsel) görebilmek ya da algılayabilmektir. Tutku ise, irade ve yargıları aşan güçlü bir coşkudur. Güçlü bir vizyona sahip kişilerin, zaman zaman onları bulundukları yere hapseden mücadeleleri başarıyla atlatma gücüne sahip olduklarını gördüm. Açıkçası vizyon, beni de günlük yaşamın güçlüklerinden, varsayımlarından uzaklaştıran ve yeni tercihlerimde destekleyen bir kuvvet oldu.  Yeni deneyimler her defasında içimdeki tutkuyu harekete geçirdi. Öğrendim ki insan kendini adamadıkça, her an bir tereddüt, geri çekilme olasılığı ve etkisiz olabilme ihtimaliyle karşı karşıya kalabiliyor. Halbuki net bir vizyonun yolunda tutkuyla ilerleyen kişilerde, inanç kaybı ve pes etme gibi yorgun iç sesler umudun, heyecanın ve tutkunun iç sesiyle bastırılıp kendiliğinden kayboluyor.

"Vizyon ve tutku bir madalyonun iki yüzü gibidir. Biri var olmadan diğeri var olamaz."

İnancın ve azmin adı Enes Günel ile yarı maraton

Bence her insanın vizyonu eşsizdir ve yaşamlarının farklı zamanlarında değişir. Bir süreliğine benimkisi gibi özel ve kişiselken, daha sonra büyüyüp dünyaya yayılabilir. Vizyon, odak ve ilgi devam ettiği sürece büyüyebilir. Yol göstermeye ve destekleyici olayları ve kişileri karşımıza çıkarmaya başlayan bir büyüye sahiptir. Geniş bir vizyona sahip kişilerle yaptığım sohbetlerde, onların gözlerine baktıkça yeni dünyalar görürüm. Beni sezgisel olarak içine çekerler, hiç olmadığı kadar düşündürürler ve etkilerler.

Yıllar içinde vizyonlarını belirleyen, bir kaç yıl bu uğurda yoğun şekilde çalışan ve sonra işler bekledikleri gibi gitmediğinde uzaklaşan tanıdığım kişiler de oldu. Zaman zaman yaşadıkları düşüşlere rağmen bu kişiler yollarına devam ettiler. Başka bir alana geçtiler. Yeni bir vizyon uğrunda çalışmaya başladılar. İnançlarını sürdürdüler. Sanki bir gücün onları yönlendirmeye çalıştığı farklı bir istikamete yöneldiler. Bugün bu kişiler zayıf, güçsüz ve bazen de şanssız dönemlerinin ardından kendinden emin ve cesur kişilere dönüştüler.

Herkesin bir vizyonu olduğuna inanırım. Kimileri henüz bunun farkında olmayabilir. Kimilerinin ise içinde, derinlerde bir yerde sessizce yüzeye çıkmayı bekliyor olabilir. Er ya da geç gün ışığını görecektir, tıpkı bulutlara gizlenen bir güneş gibi. Gelmesini sağlamak için uğraşmayın, çünkü zaten oradadır. Bence yapılması gereken çok sevdiğiniz bir şey ile başlamak! İlham veren, heyecanlandıran ve motive eden... Yapılabilecek ve hayal edilen her ne varsa cesurca şimdi başlamalı. Cesaret içinde deha, güç ve sihir barındırır.

RUN-WALK METHOD

Most of us go to work early in the morning, run as fast as we can for eight, ten, twelve hours, then come home and run hard again with personal obligations and sometimes more work, before getting some sleep and doing it all over again. Even we love it, that kind of schedule is deeply training. Not an athlete in the world could sustain that schedule without rest. Most athletes have entire off seasons.

I have been training for marathons since 2012. What I have learned is if you want to run a marathon successfully without getting injured, spend 4 days a week doing short runs, one day a week running long and hard, and two days a week not running at all.

It may seem a pretty smart schedule if you want to do anything challenging and sustain it over a long period of time. A few moderate days, one hard day, and a day or two of complete rest. But how many of us work nonstop, day after day, without a break? It might feel like we are making progress, but that schedule will lead to injury for sure.

When we do take time to rest,  we discover all sort of things that help us to perform better when we are working. My best ideas come to me when I get away from my computer and go for a run or simply engage in a casual conversation with a friend.

One of the upsides to rest days is that they give us time to think. When we rest, we emerge stronger.

There is a method of long distance running that is becoming popular called the Run-Walk method. Every few minutes of running is followed by a minute of walking. What is interesting is that people are not just using this method to train, they are using it to race. And what is even more interesting is that they are beating their old run the entire distance times.

Because slowing down, even for a few minutes here and there even in the middle of race, enables you to run faster and with better form. A short walk in the middle of your race. A pause. A breath. A moment to take stock. To realign your form. Your focus. Your purpose.

In short, I am not talking about a stop as much as strategic interruptions. A series of pauses to ask yourself a few important questions, to listen to the answers that arise, and to open yourself to making some changes. Maybe big ones, maybe small ones that will help you run strongly. That will ensure you are running the right race. And running it the right way. That will position you to win.

AVOIDING THE NEED FOR MOTIVATION

I was driving with my kids at Safari, when we noticed a lion sitting on a rock on top of a hill, in a perfect view.

My daughter asked me  "how do they get him to stay in that exact spot?"

 

Several years ago I was reading Peter Bregman's books about management technics. I remember a story about a family who moved to Georgia from NYC to enjoy outdoor living. The first piece they bought was an outdoor table. They placed it in their garden and their plan was to eat every meal there. But the plan failed. Somehow, they always chose to eat in the kitchen, where all the foods and drinks were. The idea of eating outside was amazing but the reality was too much effort.

Until one day, the father had a brainstorm. He moved the table from the garden to the deck right outside the kitchen. As far as I remember the difference was about 10 meters. And after that  they end up eating every single meal outside. Once the family changed the form, every member of the family started having their meals at the deck next to the garden. Those people were not walking 10 meters to the table all year long. The solution is not to explain to people why they should take the walk or force them to take the walk. The solution is far simplier; Move the table.

A recent study published in Journal of Public Health found that the closer teens live to places where alcohol is sold, the greater likely they will drink and drive. Even parents tell not to drink, schools tell not to drink, advertisements tell not to drink, if the alcohol stores and bars are within walking distance of where teens live, they will more likely to drink and drive drunk. It was stated that the close environment dictates teens actions.

We may think that we make our own choices and follow through on them without being too influenced by things around us, but all we need to do is to realize just how much our actions are determined by our environment. Let me give you an example from my diet experience before running the Barcelona marathon. I experienced that if I use a big spoon I eat more. If I use a big plate I am served more and eat more. If my kids put their chocolate box next to my notebook, I end up eating at least half of the box. So what I have learned is, sometimes we should not fight with ourselves to change our behaviour in the center of wrong environment, we should just change the environment. In the case of food, using a small salad plate instead of a big dinner plate was all the diet I need. It worked for me.

Let's come back to my daughter's question about a lion that sat so royally on the rock at the top of the hill for all visitors to see. It turns out that the rock he sat on was temperature controlled. It was warm on cold days, cool on hot days. No need to train the lion or to tie him to the rock or hope he likes the view. Just make the rock a place he wants to sit. 

Create an environment that naturally compels you to do the things you want to do.

PARADIGMANIN GUCU

Paradigma sozcugu Yunanca'dan gelir. Genellikle bir varsayim ve deger algisi anlaminda kullanilir. Kimilerine gore dunyayi "gorme" tarzimizdir; gozle gormek degil de algilamak, anlamak, yorumlamak anlaminda...
 

Anadolu'da bir soz vardir; "sert toprakta tohum yetismez" derler. Bir an icin dusundum ve bu sert topragi insan beynine benzettim: topragin sertligi, insan beynindeki kaygiyi, endiseyi, stresi ve dusunceyi simgeliyordu bana gore. Sonra kendi kendime "nasil olur da bu beyinde sevgi, umut, cosku var olabilir?" diye sordum. Bu sorunun cevabini ararken kendimle yuzlestigimi farkettim. Stephen Covey'e gore paradigmalardan kastedileni anlamanin en basit yolu onlari birer harita gibi gormek. Hepimizin kafasinin içinde aslinda bir cok harita var. Bunlari iki gruba ayırabiliriz: Seyleri olduklari gibi gosteren haritalar, yani gerceklikler. Digerleri ise seylerin nasil olmasi gerektigini gosteren haritalar, yani degerler. Yasadigim her seyi bu zihinsel haritalara gore yorumladigimi gordum. Tutum ve davranislarimin da bu yorumlamalardan ve varsayımlardan dogdugunu daha net anladim. Cunku onlari gorus bicimim, dusunce ve davranis tarzimin da kaynagiydi aslinda.

 

Peki bu haritayı nasil bir yontemle okumaliyiz ve yorumlamaliyiz?
 

Haritayı okuyabilmek ve dogru anlayabilmek için once kafayi bosaltmak ve konsantre olmak gerektigine inanıyorum. Ancak bu sekilde topragi yumuşatabilir ve uretmeye hazir bir hale getirebiliriz. Dr. Oktem, beyini surekli esyalarla doldurdugumuz bir odaya benzetiyor ve diyor ki "ve bir gun gelecek odada adim atacak yer kalmayacak. Beyin, alma kapasitesi doldugu zaman otomatik olarak kendini kapatacak ve gerekli gereksiz bir cok seyi silmeye baslayacak." 

Uzmanlar, beynimizin ihtiyaci olan o bos yeri acmak, baska bir deyisle kafayi bosaltmak icin sabah erken kalkmayi, spor ve meditasyon yapmayi oneriyor ve ekliyor. Meditasyon için farkındalık bilincinin gelistirilmesinin en etkili yolu olduğu soyleniyor. Insan meditasyon sayesinde an'a odaklanabiliyor ve bastirilan duygular, dusunceler ve stresler iste o an birer birer yuzeye cikarak kayboluyor. Gun içinde cikilan bir tatil gibi, her seyden uzaklasip zihni bosaltiyor ve dinlendiriyor.

Ve farkettim ki icimdeki coskunun ve farkindaligin artmasinin ana kaynagi kendim ve sabah kosularim! Kosmanın en etkili meditasyonlardan biri oldugunu ogrendigim gun deneyimlemeye basladim. Siz hic gercek "Ben" ve yarattigi yuksek farkindalikla yuzlestiniz mi?